Yummy
Topic: Food
How often has it come up that you've been asked at the last minute to attend a potluck lunch, and you had nothing to bring? Sure, you can always buy a box of cookies, or some such thing, but that's kind of embarassing. It makes you feel like people are saying "Oh... we're not good enough to cook for, but they'll eat all the food we've gone to effort to prepare." In short, it makes one feel cheap.

The reverse of the coin is that with little to no warning, what can you do? Cost might be a problem, or preparing enough to go around.

Well, here's a simple solution. It fills the hors 'deouvre niche, which most people won't think about, and allows the attendees to snack on something light. It's also healthy, high in protein, and just might fit into a low-carb diet. It's called "Legume Paste," but don't let that throw you off. Here's how it's made:

You need about a half pound of lentils, a half pound of green beans, and a half pound of soy beans sprouts. Cook the lentils as you normally would, and allow them to cool. Steam the soy bean sprouts and green beans until tender, but still firm (about a minute and a half should do it). Allow all three ingredients to cool.
Place them in a food processor with a tablespoon of soy sauce or worcestershire sauce. Puree' this into a paste, and chill before serving.

That's it! It's done! Just make sure you place a small name card in front of it, and list the main ingredients, so people know how healthy it is, and won't be afraid to try it. You may have to abbreviate, and can leave out the word "beans" since it will be obvious. Usually, my card just says "Leg. Paste (Soy. Lent. Green.)" The abbreviation for the ingredients is pretty self explanatory, and what else could "Leg. Paste" mean, really? I like to add a little note at the bottom that says "You are what you eat!" just to show I'm concerned for others' well being, and remind them to make healthy eating choices.

And a little goes a long way! No matter how many people attend, I always have some left over when I bring it to a potluck! And I get such dismayed looks as I spread some on a whole-wheat cracker, or a slice of rye bread, or even lady fingers. They seem to be saying "I wish I had thought of that!" And it makes me glad that I've done something good for my fellow man.

What can I say? I love people!

It's What's For Breakfast.
Topic: Food
Some of you might be familiar with Spidor's Fourteenth Law. If you're not, please review.

I bring this up because I stopped for a breakfast sandwich on the way home from work this morning. Breakfast, you ask? Yes. Breakfast. I was in the mood for a McDingle's Sausage McCholesterol Monkey. I had my order all figured out, determined to have no difficulties in the line.

Last time I went through that drive through, there was some confusion, and admittedly, part of that was my doing. I was a bit confused, ordered a number 2 instead of a number 10, and the poor girl behind the LED Sign O' Order Verification had two conflicting neurons fire simultaneously and suffered irrepairable brain electrocution from too much power coursing through the normally idle mass. So this time, I wanted to engage a surgical strike, fire off my order with precision and exactness, and hope the decision I'd made to not order a combination meal did not result in a thought-induced RBE*

I drove up to the sign once again, the same location of my previous miscommunication. And I waited for the voice of the person that had my breakfast meal completely under their power, though they knew not even what I wished to order. It was kind of like how I imagine someone going to confessional; the guy on the other side of the screen has your Salvation in the palm of his hand, and he doesn't even know what you did yet. You're hoping to get away with a few dozen Hail Marys, two dozen Our Fathers, and time served. The anticipation has probably broken better people, and some have probably converted to Judaism rather than tell the faceless person on the other side of the screen that the alcohol made the memory a bit fuzzy, and they could not remember exactly how many topless dancers had fit into the Volkswagen. Luckily, I just wanted a sandwich.

I stopped at the sign and waited for some evidence that the people inside the restaurant were both alive and aware that I was there.

I waited quite a while. Or, at least, longer than I'd have expected to wait at a restaurant that boasts a 2 minute time average for the drive through. I waited about half a minute before I started timing. At least, it seemed like half a minute. I know I timed a full two minutes before I invoked the 14th Law. I pulled around, and saw two other vehicles in front of me, so I know they had to have been taking orders prior to my arrival. But during the two minutes plus that I sat there, for nobody to have at least said "Welcome to McDingle's. I'll take your order in just a moment." was a sign that they didn't need any more business for a while. I thought about going inside to see if someone was being robbed or maybe the window girl had gone "postal" on her manager. Perhaps the driver at the window was paying in food stamps and pennies, or wanted to use their Diner's Club Card. I did not go inside to find out, however, mainly because I was afraid that I would find out, and be forced to burn the establishment to the ground in the hopes that something more intelligent would be built on the wreckage. So, in order to maintain my calm demeanor and reduced blood pressure, I drove away.

I went home and had a leftover pepperoni and mushroom calzone that I had in the 'fridge. It didn't have maple syrup or eggs, but the refrigerator was a lot less annoying than the drive-through.

*Register Biscuit Embolism

I Said I'd Let You Know
Topic: Food
I said I'd let you know if pretzels are good with steak sauce.

Pretzels are good with steak sauce.

But don't take my word for it... try it yourself.

Gotta Try New Things; Even If They're Only New To Me
Topic: Food
I'm baking an apple pie today. Never done it before.

Oh, sure; I've bought the frozen ones from the store. But I'm making this one from scratch. Wish me luck.

Why Peach Pits Really Are The Pits
Topic: Food
Your momma told you not to eat the pits... but did she tell you why?

They're poisonous.

Very.

See, peaches and almonds are actually related. And they both contain cyanide. The dose of cyanide that causes death in half of the test subjects to which it is administered (with the other half expected to live), also known as the LD-50 is 4 to 5 mg per kilogram in cattle. It's 1 to 3 mg per kilogram of body weight in humans, according to this site. It seems to be a quite comprehensive description of the toxin and its effects.

But the key thing here is that, according to horticulturist Ron Smith's site, peach pits have 164 mg of cyanide per 100 grams of weight. So a single 100 gram peach pit could conceivably kill a person, assuming you found one that heavy.

In James and the Giant Peach, they end up living in the pit (properly called the 'stone') of the peach. That means they are living in a house that has a high concentration of cyanide in its very walls. I expect they all die within a week, but that part gets left out of the story, because it's sad.

So peaches can kill you. Who'd have thunk it. Don't eat the pits.

I shouldn't have to tell you that, but it's amazing what some people will do on a dare.

International Cyanide Management Code for the Gold Mining Industry
Horticulturist Ron Smith's Site
James and the Giant Peach

MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Topic: Food
I likes chocolate covered gummy bears.

No, really.

Try them.

Then send the rest to me.