They're Puppets
Topic: Legends
Bigfoot does not exist. If there were bigfoot, yeti, sasquatch... whatever you want to call them, then one would have been found by now. Not just seen from a great distance, but found. Presuming they are not immortal, one would have to have died by now, and been found. Even if it were just the bones, they would be easily distinguishable from bones of human beings or bears, by the size of the skeleton alone. All that's been captured is poor, grainy, easily faked film, easily faked footprints, easily invented and often contradictory stories, and not a single live or deceased specimen in the lot of it. If it is a primitive hominid living off of the land, it would leave more evidence than the occasional footprint. It would leave bodies, excretions, and any number of things that could easily be tracked by the most poorly trained bloodhound. It is not real.

The Loch Ness Monster, and other lake monsters as well, does not exist. The sheer mass of such a creature would require a food source that simply cannot be supplied by the small area it is said to inhabit. And that's just for one of the things. Presumably, there's more than one. Otherwise, it would have died of old age by now. And again, no bodies have been found, not even bloated and risen to the surface, or washed ashore. There would have to be far more than two, in order to allow reproduction, especially reproduction free from genetic inbreeding that would result in the demise of the newborns shortly after birth. Since there's still aquatic life other than Nessie in the loch, then there can't possibly be a family of plesiosaur, or any other large aquatic creature, within the waters. There's simply not enough food. It is not real.

El Chupacabra, the "goat sucker," does not exist. Again, the survival of any species depends heavily on sufficient food supplies. For there to be enough of them to spread out as far as has been indicated by "sightings," there would need to be so many of them, they would be unable to hide. Certainly, they'd have had to have left behind a corpse or two of their own kind, or been trapped by any farmer that doesn't want his goat vampirised. And as with Nessie, there's simply not enough food. It is not real.

There's two factors of the Human condition: we like creepy stories, and we like to fool each other. Combine the two, and you get cryptozoology. There will never be a shortage of people willing to fake the existence of these or other creatures, because there will also never be a shortage of people willing to believe them. And so news agencies, "scientists," and Hollywood will continue to purvey these legendary beasts in the media, because the stories will always have an audience.

But the story might be good. You may be entertained, amused, and maybe even edified by the movie, or article, or book. Like any work of fiction, disbelief is suspended while the entertainment is enjoyed, because it makes it even more enjoyable. It's fun to believe the fantasy for a while. The utterly fantastic nature of the story- knowing in the part of your brain that's still a lizard- that the story can't possibly be true is part of its appeal, because you know that it can't really harm you and you can turn it off any time you want. And there's nothing wrong with letting that horror story grip your imagination, and allowing your subconscious to decieve your conscious into believing that an ancient evil lurks in the deepest of the hillside thickets. That Yog-Sothoth and Cthulhu wait to reclaim this world. That a giant shark is swimming beneath the depths off a tourist beach in New England. That a house is haunted by a demonic presence. Or even that an eight foot tall, furry hominid is living in the forests of Washington. Just remember, when you turn off the television, close the literature, or leave the theater, that no matter how entertaining the story is, it is not real.

Especially if you read it in The Weekly World News.

Rock Hall of Fame Induction Time
Topic: Legends
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is inducting a few people this year that probably should have already been there. There; I said it. It's what everyone says every year. "They should have been there already." But I know they only induct a few artists per year, and that keeps the honor from being cheapened and trivial. You've got to be one of the best to get in, and you've got to have released a record, and if your first release wasn't 25 years ago or more, you don't get inducted, no matter how good you are. I don't make the rules, I'm just reporting them.

So Bob Seger, who had his first release in 1975, is eligible, and he'll be inducted this year. Note that you don't get in just for having released the record 25 years ago. Sometimes, you get inducted into it immediately after being eligible, because your influence in the rock music community is that overwhelming. This is not the case, it seems, with Bob. He was eligible in 2001, but is only now receiving this much deserved (and having been raised in Detroit's shadow, I can vouch for that) honor. And then there's The Beatles, who weren't inducted until 1988. But that was 25 years after their release of Love Me Do in England. They could not have been inducted any earlier; they had to wait 25 years, like everyone else. Them's the rules.

And sometimes, you don't get inducted right away. Such is the case this year for the late George Harrison. Two years after his death, he's to be posthumously inducted.

And when I read he was to be inducted, I immediately thought "Wait... he's not in already? This is George Harrison we're talking about. He was one of the first guitar legends. He was one of the first rock legends. He was a Beatle!" Yes, yes he was. And as I discovered after looking into the matter more closely, he was already in The Hall as a member of that band. So that was all right. But then the obvious question: if he's already in as a Beatle, why is he being inducted again?

The answer is: he's being inducted as a solo artist. Instead of being known in The Hall as 'one of The Beatles,' he's to be known as 'George Harrison, who was also, incidentally, one of The Beatles.' So why is it that his induction was delayed so long? He released his first recording in 1968, 6 years after The Beatles' first release. This is much longer than 25 years ago. Well, the answer is really pretty simple. He just wasn't as influential as a solo artist as he was as a Beatle, until much later in his solo career.

His true talents and work as a solo artist weren't really felt until his later years, when he released new music, solo and with The Traveling Wilburys (who do not have an official web site at this time). His guitar work and writing were combined with several other talents, and influenced the rock world quite a bit, until his passing. Remember, they don't induct due to raw skill and talent. They induct for influence.

And the induction decisions were possibly already made at the time of his passing, so he could not truly be inducted until this year. But that raises the next question: is he only being inducted because he died? The induction process for artists reads as follows:

"Artists become eligible for induction 25 years after the release of their first record. Criteria include the influence and significance of the artist's contributions to the development and perpetuation of rock and roll.

The Foundation's nominating committee, composed of rock and roll historians, selects nominees each year in the Performer category. Ballots are then sent to an international voting body of about 1,000 rock experts. Those performers who receive the highest number of votes, and more than 50 percent of the vote, are inducted. The Foundation generally inducts five to seven performers each year."

There's nothing in there about dying.

So he's been eligible for 11 years, but wasn't inducted until he died. I don't know if that means he got a sympathy vote or not, but part of me wonders if that isn't the case. A sympathy vote means nothing to a dead man. It's entirely possible, however, that it was done to bring some comfort to his surviving friends and loved ones. Or perhaps it was just his turn. There's really no way I can know, since I won't be tracking down about 1000 people that voted, and ask them why they voted the way they did. I also probably won't be able to see the voting results.

But I can be happy that he's being inducted... he does deserve the honor, even if it's eleven years late. I just wish he could have been here to receive the award in person.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
Bob Seger
The Beatles
George Harrison
Induction process

If You Like Arthur
Topic: Legends
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