Still another Modest Proposal
Topic: Political Science
I'm such a slug.

It's been a long while since I did a blog entry. I have no defense and throw myself on the mercy of me. Fortunately, I forgive myself. Later, I'll give myself an apologetic lunch and make up with me. I'll be holding hands again by evening.

It's almost time to choose a president. Many of us American types have already chosen in our minds, but the hard part is choosing on paper. Florida has shown beyond all question that they simply cannot handle the balloting process in its current implementation. It's that whole "the layout is confusing" bit. They're there to choose a president. They're not there to think.

I've heard organizing the ballot like a Bingo card would help, but that still gives us the whole layout problem ("Why is Bush under G, and Kerry under B? I'm confused again! DAMN OUR ELECTORAL PROCESS! OH, DAMN IT TO HELL!").

Let's face it. The ballot has to be simple. Putting too many choices on it with no clear idea of how to use it will only make the voting that much more difficult. And it should also be fun. Also, if you're reading a lot of instructions, you're not having fun and taking up too much time that could be spent at Disney World getting sick on the rides and throwing up on a guy in a Goofy suit.

So... fun. Quick. Easy to understand. Simple. Few instructions. Floridians can use it.

I think I got it. It's called "Scratch -N- Vote."?*

The ballot is simple, and so is the voting process. You show your ID to the person at the booth, who lets you in when its your turn, and gives you an official "election slug," a coin sized and shaped metal disc you can keep as a memento of your voting decision (that way, you feel like you won something). They push a button and a ballot drops out. You use the coin (or a quarter or whatever) to rub off one, and only one, of the selections.
The selections are covered with that funky silvery crap that they use to cover the boxes on scratch-and-win lottery tickets, which every Floridian knows how to use, and so will have no trouble remembering to only scratch off one of the boxes (if they do manage to scratch off more than one, however, the attendant takes away their slug and sends them home without voting). The boxes underneath the silvery crap are a bright green color, contrasting with the color of the rest of the ballot, making it easier to see which choice has been made. The name of the candidate is printed on both the silvery crap and in the box underneath the silvery crap.

See? Easy.

The slug could be made more memorable, too, by adding an embossed image to it, with Candidate A on one side, and Candidate B on the other. Or maybe an American flag on one side, and an eagle or something on the other. Maybe add "Year XXXX Presidential Election" to it, and bang! Every voter walks away with a presidential election commemorative slug, and I think that's highly appropriate: their slug would be very pretty and impressive looking, but would have no real value... just like their vote.

It's too bad we have a guaranteed vote in this nation, though. If we could make it a random thing, each voter would simply take part in a fully random process... instead of choosing a president by thinking about it, the names could be left off of the silvery crap, and half the ballots could be printed with the names in different boxes, so nobody would know for sure which name was in which box until they'd scratched. There'd be less campaigning, less mud-slinging, fewer lies, and the candidates would really feel like they won, instead of just buying the election. But then people wouldn't have a choice; they'd just be part of a gigantic randomizing effect. True, because the electoral vote isn't the same thing as the popular vote, and our representatives will still vote the way they think is best (for them), the people don't really have a say in who the next president will be anyway. But at least we have the illusion of choice, which shuts us up for the most part.

Florida! Take note! Grab this idea and run with it! With the present day methods of proposal, approval, implementation, selecting a lowest bidder, design, design approval, and all the other bureaucratic procedures in place in your State government, you should have this idea implemented in time for, say, the 2048 presidential election.

*The ? isn't real. I haven't registered this. Go on and steal the idea if you want. I'd laugh my ass off if you did.