Mood:
incredulousNow Playing: "Panic Switch" by The Silversun Pickups
Marilyn Monroe died.
This is not news.
This is olds.
However.
The crypt above hers is available for purchase.
This is a good story. Go get a stiff drink, 'cause I got some 'splainin' to do.
Back?
Good.
Way back in the days where men were men, women were women, and most of the time it was pretty obvious which was which, there was a guy named Joe DiMaggio that married a woman named Marilyn Monroe. They were very happy, until they got divorced, and Joe sold his crypt location to a guy that we'll call "Dick," but only because his name is Richard Poncher.
Later, Marilyn died and a nation was ensaddenated. After that, Dick died.
And had himself interred directly above Marilyn.
Face down.
I am not exaggerating, nor am I making this up, I don't have the time.
Well, Dick had left behind a wife, and she owned the crypt and one for herself as well, right next to Dick's. And now, she says, that she'll move Dick's remains one spot over to where she was to be interred, and she'll have herself cremated. She's selling the crypt that Dick is in face down above Marilyn Monroe, in order to pay the mortage on her house.
Forget Sotheby's. Apparently she didn't have time to Dick around.1
She wants to raise 1.6 million dollars "to pay off her mortgage on her Beverly Hills home."
Bonus to you prospective buyers; the crypt next to Marilyn's is owned by Hugh Hefner! So... there's that. Also, the advertisement calls it "...a once in a lifetime2 and into eternity opportunity to spend your eternal days directly above Marilyn Monroe."
At the time of this posting, the auction has reached over 4.5 million USD, so that mortgage is pretty much a done deal.
Personally, I intend to live forever.3 But given the choice, I don't think I'd want to spend eternity next to Marilyn Monroe. From what I've seen of her, she was kind of a ditz, and more of a trophy wife than anything else. I'd be happy to spend eternity interred beside my own wife, thank you very much.
And not face down.
What the Hells was that Dick thinking?
1. I hate myself for that pun. You should too.
2. Har!
3. So far, so good.
