Get Ready To Screw Up And Write 2003 Instead Of 2004
Topic: Holidays
Welcome to January. It's not like it's my month or anything, it's just sort of something you say.

There's the regularly scheduled holidays this month... New Year's Day (you're soaking in it), Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and so on. But there's a lot of which you might not be aware.

I have listed here some holidays which, I believe, are from America in some alternate reality... they were lifted from this site, which describes them as 'American holidays,' but I'm damned if I ever heard of any of them.

These are pretty screwy; it's like the holiday planners wanted to get them all out of the way at the beginning of the year so that people can take a breath and look forward to Valentine's Day.

January 1 is First Foot Day, whatever the hell that is, and Z Day. If you know someone whose name begins with "Z," they go to the front of the line instead of the back. I'm sure that one day will make them feel all better.

January 2 is Run Up the Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes It Day.

January 3 is Festival of Sleep Day. I'm there.

January 4 is Trivia Day and Humiliation Day. It's a day just for me.

January 5 is Bird Day (not that kind of bird, put your finger away, Jim).

January 6 is Bean Day. This is a day for Jim.

January 7 is Old Rock Day. Look it up.

January 8 is National JoyGerm Day and Man Watcher's Day. WTF?

January 9 is Play God Day (or, 'Just Another Day' for Dubya).

January 10 is Peculiar People Day (or, 'Just Another Day' for Dubya).

January 11 is National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day. (or, 'Just Another Day' for me).

January 12 is Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day. See a trend here? What if it were "Woman Watcher's Day?" or "Feast of Fabulous Wild Women Day?" We'd be called chauvanists. I must protest. This is reverse chauvanism.

January 13 is Make Your Dream Come True Day and Blame Someone Else Day. Both on the same day. Coincidence? I think not.

January 14 is National Dress Up Your Pet Day. I refuse to participate.

January 15 is Hat Day. Apparently, hats are more important than I am.

January 16 is Hot and Spicy Food International Day and National Nothing Day. Woot to the spicy food.

January 17 is Blessing of the Animals at the Cathedral Day. I'm sure this was an important event to someone.

January 18 is Winnie the Pooh Day. Eeyore has to ride on the bear's coat tails.

January 19 is National Popcorn Day. I'm so gonna celebrate this one.

January 20 is National Buttercrunch Day. Obviously, the previous holiday ran over into this one.

January 21 is National Hugging Day. "How sentimental..."

January 22 is National Answer Your Cat's Question Day and National Blonde Brownie Day. I always answer my cat's questions... the answer is always "Shaddap."

January 23 is National Handwriting Day, National Pie Day, and Measure Your Feet Day. What do these 3 things have in common? Only January 23rd.

January 24 is Eskimo Pie Patent Day. Again, this is, apparently, more important than me.

January 25 isn't Opposite Day. See, if I say it's opposite day, that means it isn't opposite day. So it isn't. Or is it...?

January 26 is Australia Day. Ten bucks and a Coke sez they don't have a United States of America day.

January 27 is Punch the Clock Day and Thomas Crapper Day. So clock your clock and use the toilet to celebrate.

January 28 is National Kazoo Day, Clash Day, Rattle Snake Round-Up Day. Pass, pass (unless it's a punk band they're talking about), and definitely pass.

January 29 is National Cornchip Day. No, really! Why would I make that up?

January 30 is Escape Day. Celebrate by getting the hell out of town.

January 31 is National Popcorn Day and Child Labor Day. Wait... wasn't that the 19th? And this child labor day... is that to celebrate it, or mourn it, or honor it, or what?

Look them up yourself. I'm gonna go stomp in puddles and splash my friends.

Bizarre Holidays