Capes
Topic: Comic Books
Who decided fashion for super heroes and super villains?

I think we need to start with Flash Gordon and The Shadow. One was from the future, where that kind of apparel will be "in vogue." The other wore a big black cloak to look more like a shadowy black shadow. And then he'd turn invisible.

So those had some kind of reasoning to them. Superman, though, was from another planet. But it was a highly advanced civilization. So, it seems, when you get a lot of smart people and amazing technology together, capes have to follow. Perhaps we're destined for this. Perhaps the trend has already begun.

Batman makes sense too... the cape emulates the wings of a bat. And his cape is clearly the second coolest cape in comics, right behind Spawn's, which not only looks as cool, but also can be used to make tools to help the character out. It's fashionable and functional.

And that's it. I can't think of any other super-hero whose cape actually serves a purpose. Granted, there's the Spider-Man 2099 cape, which is made of an ultralight material that lets him glide for short distance, increasing his "air time" as he brachiates from building to building. But seriously; it looks like a cobweb for a reason, and is a gratuitous add-on to the tights. It looks pretty cool, but isn't necessary.

And, so far as I can tell, neither is any other super-hero's. Even Thor's huge, billowy, red thing doesn't belong; he's a viking. Vikings wore scratchy animal skins draped over their shoulders, and that's as close to the cape thing as they got. If Thor were to wear a cape, it should be made from some odd thing, like the fur of the great Midgard bear Hjardbjinbjanbdrgracklegruntj, or something equally unpronounceable with way too many "J"s, and it would give him amazing super protection against the arctic cold, blasting winds, and (inexplicably) bullets. But no, he wears a curtain with the rod taken out.

Spider-Man does not wear a cape. The way he moves, he'd be tangled up in it all the time. Capes limit mobility. Capes can be grabbed by the bad guy. Capes are just one more part of the costume that has to be hidden under the civilian clothes.* It's one more thing to wash and repair every night when you get home, so you don't look filthy while you're patrolling: super-heroes can't look dirty.

Why do I care? Well, I really don't. But if I were to be a super-hero, I wouldn't wear a cape, and I damned well wouldn't wear tights, either. I don't need to be embarassed by my physique, or any biological functions that can be betrayed by wearing an outfit that puts my entire body's physical details where everyone can see them.

The Rogue Spidor's costume would be cargo pants and tabi boots, a utility belt, a loose canvas shirt, goggles over a pullover mask, and leather gloves (normally, no gloves, but fingerprints are what the cool kids refer to as "evidence"). No cape, it's warm enough to wear in the winter but breathes enough to wear in the summer, and, because it's loose, will break up the outline of the wearer just a touch to provide a bit of camouflage in the dark.

And comics creators all over the world would say "Why didn't we think of that?" Well, because it wouldn't sell books, that's why. Why do some super-heroes wear capes? It sells the product. Why do some not wear capes? It sells the product. The costume, like everything else about the product, is driven by that bottom line; will it make the character more popular and sell more books. Who decided super-hero fashion? The readers and their dollars.

Real super-heroes would be more interested in survival than fashion. In the comics, it's driven by popularity and the almighty buck. That's because comics aren't real. If that breaks your heart to learn, then it's probably about time that it got broken.

---

*For the record, technically, super-heroes are civilians too, unless they've been deputized, like Batman has. But I digress.

---